hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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