$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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