My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
