Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize