he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
