he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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