U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
