Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
