Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
