The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
