i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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