Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
