I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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