i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
