ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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