see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
