Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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