is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
