This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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