Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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