Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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