OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
