Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
