I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
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i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
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So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.