You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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