It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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