i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
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He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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