You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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