I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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