Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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