Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
