Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
