I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
