don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
