I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I am midnight drunk by noon
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
