I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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