i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
