I have demons in me.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
