Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
