I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
