Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
