he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
