I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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