apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
