There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
