I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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