Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
