I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
