I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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