I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
