dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
