sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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