so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Randomize
