So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
