3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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