i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
did i just pee glitter
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
