I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
