Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
