one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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