if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
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So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
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I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn