Texts From Last Night

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  (816): View more from Missouri

  Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations

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  (816): Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations http://tfl.nu/6ok5
  Replies (10) Good night (1443) Bad night (4079)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.

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  (814): he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out. http://tfl.nu/d51a
  Replies (13) Good night (633) Bad night (4452)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers

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  (847): Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers http://tfl.nu/3d71
  Replies (50) Good night (991) Bad night (6275)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.

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  (614): just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good. http://tfl.nu/28dw
  Replies (16) Good night (5065) Bad night (1242)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Colt 45 out of anything is classy.

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  (704): I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy. (919): Colt 45 out of anything is classy. http://tfl.nu/9zxf
  Replies (17) Good night (4519) Bad night (840)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!

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  (513): I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR! http://tfl.nu/4gxu
  Replies (10) Good night (3215) Bad night (997)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh

  (1-703): View more from Virginia

  be sure to add "office slut" to your resume

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  (703): he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh (1-703): be sure to add "office slut" to your resume http://tfl.nu/3kje
  Replies (10) Good night (4791) Bad night (1009)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now

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  (314): not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now http://tfl.nu/x7uc
  Replies (10) Good night (2315) Bad night (1009)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis

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  (540): Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis http://tfl.nu/8a3h
  Replies (13) Good night (3334) Bad night (696)
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  (714): View more from California

  Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.

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  (714): Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner. http://tfl.nu/auiz
  Replies (5) Good night (4824) Bad night (843)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.

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  (405): We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out. http://tfl.nu/ia59
  Replies (7) Good night (847) Bad night (3140)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.

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  (734): The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me. http://tfl.nu/j8wb
  Replies (6) Good night (799) Bad night (1579)
• Favorite

  (662): View more from Mississippi

  Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?

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  (662): Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you? http://tfl.nu/ngi1
  Replies (1) Good night (495) Bad night (238)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.

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  (505): i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me. http://tfl.nu/ohrd
  Replies (3) Good night (319) Bad night (735)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!

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  (816): Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away! http://tfl.nu/774o
  Replies (2) Good night (551) Bad night (262)

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