Texts From Last Night

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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?

  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Ohh that happened after I started to cry.

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  (604): I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous? (778): Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely. (604): Ohh that happened after I started to cry. http://tfl.nu/giil
  Replies (14) Good night (888) Bad night (4402)
• Favorite

  (772): View more from Florida

  I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.

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  (772): I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die. http://tfl.nu/szbq
  Replies (26) Good night (804) Bad night (3747)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.

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  (503): Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie. http://tfl.nu/g56z
  Replies (13) Good night (3626) Bad night (954)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.

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  (315): And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter. http://tfl.nu/66e0
  Replies (7) Good night (3440) Bad night (838)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden

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  (770): How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden http://tfl.nu/1f55
  Replies (10) Good night (3820) Bad night (1018)
• Favorite

  (917): View more from New York City

  I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?

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  (917): I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really? http://tfl.nu/2oxm
  Replies (15) Good night (1010) Bad night (4920)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing

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  (630): you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing http://tfl.nu/mpy9
  Replies (6) Good night (2861) Bad night (753)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass

  (240): View more from Maryland

  He should have died. Natural selection.

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  (301): Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass (240): He should have died. Natural selection. http://tfl.nu/8itz
  Replies (13) Good night (2616) Bad night (736)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.

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  (570): The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night. http://tfl.nu/1ay9
  Replies (3) Good night (1027) Bad night (422)
• Favorite

  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.

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  (865): I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck. http://tfl.nu/zkmt
  Replies (5) Good night (1235) Bad night (588)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.

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  (+44): Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world. (303): Welcome to America. You're gonna love it. http://tfl.nu/yt2w
  Replies (14) Good night (2844) Bad night (430)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.

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  (707): As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment. http://tfl.nu/opoe
  Replies (5) Good night (814) Bad night (368)
• Favorite

  (970): View more from Colorado

  I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes

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  (970): I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes http://tfl.nu/f5p7
  Replies (2) Good night (332) Bad night (545)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off

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  (518): Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off http://tfl.nu/hbwx
  Replies (2) Good night (695) Bad night (227)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays

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  (214): I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays http://tfl.nu/86wu
  Replies (0) Good night (349) Bad night (145)

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