Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(301): View more from Maryland

That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.

Fav 2 1297 616
share tweet
(207): View more from Maine

watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food

Fav 32 1302 2344
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(314): View more from Missouri

I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.

Fav 10 973 3794
share tweet
(775): View more from Nevada

soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.

Fav 73 1062 13443
share tweet
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Read it at the TFLN blog
(816): View more from Missouri

So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.

Fav 23 1794 5669
share tweet
(613): View more from Ontario

I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.

Fav 9 3682 1270
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(205): View more from Alabama

She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.

Fav 10 1846 2969
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(609): View more from New Jersey

I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.

Fav 4 1363 647
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(727): View more from Florida

We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.

Fav 4 1089 459
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT