Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.