i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
