I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
