i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
