He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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