1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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