man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
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