Don't you send me to vm
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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