peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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