The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He felt like a one man threesome
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
