i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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