please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
