Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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