You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
