I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
