fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
