Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
