I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
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