youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Randomize
