Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
