Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
