I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
