Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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