it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
