So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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