wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
