I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
