i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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