When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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