Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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