I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
